A Little Bit About Me
As-salamu alaykum everybody!
About Me:
Well….. look who’s back after a casual 15 year break. Yup, it’s me. And surprise! Some of you are still rocking the same profile pictures from back in the day. What is this, a digital time capsule? Did I miss the part where you all stopped aging, or are you just super committed to 2008? Anyway, I’m here—older, a little crazier (in the best way), but still a nice guy who just wants a decent woman with a good heart—and ideally, a current photo.
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What I Am Looking For
What I’m Looking For?
I’m not asking for much—just someone with a functioning brain, a sense of humor, and, you know, common sense (which, let’s be honest, can be a rare find these days). If you can make me laugh without quoting memes, we’re off to a good start. Bonus points if you know what sarcasm is and don’t take life too seriously.
Now, onto filters Look, I get it—they’re fun. Who doesn’t want to look like a Disney princess or a puppy with sunglasses? But unless you plan to show up in person with those dog ears glued to your head or wearing a sparkly filter IRL, maybe cool it with the digital magic? I’d like to meet *you*, not a Pixar version of you. Real is attractive. Let's roll with that.
Also, let’s talk about those profile pics that haven't been updated since the flip phone era. I’m not saying we haven’t all aged (except me, obviously), but if your best photo was taken when we were all still using dial-up internet, we might have a problem. It’s 2024—embrace the selfie, people.
And here’s the kicker: if we exchange numbers, I’m gonna need a video chat. No exceptions. No “my camera’s broken,” or “I’m too shy.” If your camera is mysteriously malfunctioning, our conversation will too. I’ve seen enough “What I ordered vs. What I got” in my time, and I’d like to avoid being part of the next episode of "Catfish." Let’s keep it real. I’ll bring my face, you bring yours.
Now, some of you might be thinking, “Is this guy so shallow? He’s all about looks. What about personality? “Look, I’m all about personality too. But if we end up getting married, unless you plan on telling me jokes for the rest of our lives—*especially* during those intimate moments (you know, like when we’re making babies)—we’re gonna need more than just a winning personality. Attraction is key. If there’s no spark, no chemistry… well, it’s just going to get real awkward, real fast.
Oh, and please note: I’m not looking for Snapchat or TikTok celebrities If your life revolves around filters, dances, or lip-syncing to Drake, we’re not a match. Let’s leave the internet fame for someone else, yeah?
Lastly, the site might be free for you ladies, but I’m out here paying for this, so if you’re just here to window shop or ghost harder than Casper, do me a favor and swipe left. I’d rather spend my money on something that lasts—like pizza, or therapy after this.
Favorite Quote:
"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all." – Helen Keller
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